The Warning Signs ™

How crazy are they?  Take this quiz.

Click "yes" or "no," and scroll down for more questions. 

1. Is your potential mate a junkie?

    Yes
    No

2. Is your potential mate an actor or actress?

    Yes
    No

3. Has your potential mate ever been addicted to any controlled substances, or are they currently in a 12-step program?    

    Yes
    No

4. Do they have two or more cats?

    Yes
    No

5. Within the first 30 minutes of meeting you, do they either ask for your astrological sign, or the time and date you were born?

    Yes
    No

6. Do they freely and casually claim they are crazy?

    Yes
    No

7. Do they vehemently deny they are crazy?

    Yes
    No

8. Do they ever offer to pay for the date -- or at least part of the date?

    Yes
    No

9. Do they have a job, or other visible means of support?

    Yes
    No

10. If no job, do they actually intend to find a job?

    Yes
    No

11. Have they ever worked in a strip club or topless bar?

    Yes
    No

12. Have they been divorced one or more times?

    Yes
    No

13. Are they living suspiciously above their means?

    Yes
    No

14. Do they have a sense that they should get things they haven't worked for?

    Yes
    No

15. Do they try too hard to draw attention to themselves (see #2 about "actors" above)?

    Yes
    No

16. Do they feel the world owes them something? (also see #2)

    Yes
    No

17. Do they repeatedly blame others for their own failures?

    Yes
    No

18. Do they have implants or other elective cosmetic surgery (other than cosmetic dental work)?

    Yes
    No

19. Do you feel they use their sex appeal for the "wrong" reasons?   details

    Yes
    No

20. Are they inappropriately sexual in their daily life (example: somehow bringing up sex and sexual topics into non-sexual situations)?

    Yes
    No

21. Do they wear underwear on a regular basis?  Or no underwear?

    no underwear
    underwear

22.  Is their life dominated by unrealistic goals or ambitions?    details

    Yes
    No

23. Are they ignorant of world or cultural events?

    Yes
    No
 

24. Do they have excessive stuffed animals and/or action figures in their bedroom?

    Yes
    No
 

25. Do they have personal names for their stuffed animals or action figures?

    Yes
    No
 

26. Do they have personal names for one or more of your private parts?

    Yes
    No

27. Do they drink too much?

    Yes
    No

28.  Do they not drink at all?

    Yes
    No

29.  Have they ever asked you to somehow "prove" your "love" to them?   details

    Yes
    No

30.  Do they have any close friends?  If so, can they prove it?

    Yes
    No

31.  Do they believe in or practice what you would consider a "non-mainstream" religion?

    Yes
    No

32.  Do they order expensive meals and only take one or two bites?

    Yes
    No

33.  Are they inappropriately jealous of previous partners too early in a relationship?   details

    Yes
    No
 

34.  Do they do dot their "i"s with smiley faces or little hearts?

    Yes
    No

35.  Do they sometimes say they need to "take a break from people?" 

    Yes
    No

36.  Do they frequently and repeatedly vent about the "jerks/psychos/losers" they've dated in the past?

    Yes
    No

37.  Do they hate the town they live in?   details

    Yes
    No

38.  Are you still going out with them?

    Yes
    No

39.  Are you dating them because you want to "save" them?

    Yes
    No

THE FOLLOWING ARE POTENTIAL WARNING SIGNS™.  These items are still being investigated.  Thus, a "yes" response will only count for half a point.

40. Are they vegetarian, or otherwise overly concerned about personal health issues??

    Yes
    No

41. Are their parents divorced?

    Yes
    No

42. Do they own only one cat?

    Yes
    No

                    

 
SCORES - The Warning Signs Factor

1-5:  You are either very lucky, or you don't really know the other person well enough yet.  Take the quiz again in two or three weeks.

6-39:  Trouble ahead.  Avoid joint bank accounts and joint tenancies.  Pre-nups are essential, but marriage and/or kids are probably a bad idea.  Familiarize yourself with stalking and restraining order laws, and consult with an attorney prior to any major legal or financial decisions, whether they involve the other person or not.

100 or more:  You obviously checked either #1 (the junkie question) or #2 (the actor/actress question).  The quiz is rigged for these first two questions because answering either one of them pretty much renders the rest of the test meaningless.  You're screwed, and your problems won't be solved by some cheesy website quiz.  Seek professional help now.

For additional "Warning Signs" submitted by visitors:  click here.

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© J. Derevlany 2003